I fail at a life of crime

On my last day in Canada, I attempted to break into a high security deposit box and steal a priceless antique diamond.


Because the term 'priceless antique diamond' makes no sense for a mineral that formed inside the Earth billions of years ago, and capitalism has taught me you can put a price on anything. 

... OK, google informed me you can make synthetic diamonds. I'm standing by the capitalist line. That diamond had it coming.

For the record, shimmying under a set of lasers is difficult, especially when they move. I really needed a skin-tight cat suit. And maybe to be Tom Cruise. 

For anyone thinking that it's rather cocky to mention serious crimes on an open blog, I'll have you know I am now safely back in Asia... 

... And this was an escape room. Please don't cancel any of my visas. 

Escape rooms are locations where you have a fixed amount of time to achieve a goal by solving a series of puzzles. In this particular room, the clues eventually led to the code to open a safe, within which was the aforementioned diamond. The actual plot stated the need to steal the jewel for a criminal organisation that held your whole family hostage... but I was clearly in it due to the poor choice in adjectives.

Prior to this room in Toronto, my only experience of escape rooms was one episode of the 'Big Bang Theory'. This enactment had taught me categorically that an advanced physics degree could crack anything.

This was a lie.

Myself and two friends had a whole collection of degrees between us, and we failed disgracefully. Based on the walk-through we received after our time ran out, I'd estimate we were over halfway, but had a few tough problems still to get past. I also have to admit that my contribution was largely spotting a button on the ceiling and finding hidden fluorescent writing... while actually holding the ultraviolet light. To console us, the attendant informed us we were one of the first to get past the initial puzzle. I suspect this was because it involved time zone differences; a travelling academic's speciality.  

Despite our abject failure as criminal masterminds, the experience was great. The rooms are well constructed with lasers to dodge, multi-part clues and a need to co-operate with your team mates. Our particular room was also known to be difficult, with a success rate of only 10%.

Basically, I'm saying that with a bit of training, I can still make a career in MI6.

Next time, I'd like to try my hand at the Egyptian-themed room. Tomb-raiding might be closer to my research expertise and its unethical nature a match for my desire to chew off the vexing locks we encountered with my teeth.