I looked down at my 'US Customs & Border Protection' form: it didn't look good.
Read MoreThere are fireworks and I lose all personal space
It was when I found myself clamped between two pairs of taut buttocks that it occurred to me this evening could have benefitted from more planning.
Read MoreBeautiful intelligence?
As I walked through Hokkaido University campus this morning, my peaceful reflections were brought to a screaming halt by the site of one gigantic poster.
Read MoreI pay in blood for family planning
Despite appreciating the obvious medical reasons behind this, there is something decidedly odd about sitting in a room full of pregnant women, waiting for a prescription for birth control.
Read MoreKeep calm and keep your clothes on
I had just begun to give my lecture (Waves & Fluids: a masterfully prepared presentation) when I felt something hit my skin just inside the neck of my top.
Read MoreI lock myself out of my apartment
Nothing really gets you out of bed faster than your cat leaving skid marks on your sheets.
Read MoreWould you like to know the truth?
One the way back from lunch, I was accosted by a crazed religious cult.
Read MoreWorld of ice
Stretching 12 blocks through the centre of the city, Odori Park in Sapporo is home to a wide variety of festivals that take place in the city throughout the year. None, however, is as famous as the 'Yuki Matsuri' or 'Snow Festival'.
Read MoreI am pro-choice
Pro-lifers, I have a problem with you. You're not pro-life.
Read MoreTwo by two
Asahiyama Zoo in Hokkaido is one of the most popular zoos in Japan, with a visitor count of over 3 million a year. This number is surpassed only by Ueno Zoo in central Tokyo and the race is close, with a difference of a scant half-million in 2006, compared to a population ratio of 320,000 : 13 million.
Read MoreMy cat pees blood
I realised this particular Saturday afternoon was not going to go as planned when my cat leaped on my bed and peed blood all over the duvet.
Read MoreKatakana: the ultimate 'Lost in Translation'
You know that feeling where you begin a test filled with certainty that the 100%, A-grade, best-student-ever, candidate for lord-and-master was in the bag? Only to be faced with soul crushing defeat of only one correct answer out of five, thereby proving every local 2 year old your superior?
No? Then let this be a lesson in humility whereby you never admit this to my poor broken soul.
Read MoreHafu
Today I caught a bus to a university I didn’t know existed and watched a film about a group of people who would not be considered a specific minority in my own country.
Read MoreI get paid to go to a hotel
This week, I walked into a hotel and was handed an envelope of cash and an empty tube.
Read MoreI refuse money and my bank decides not to pay my rent
The series of events that found me dripping wet on the doorstep of my bank were decidedly Japanese.
Read MoreThe boyfriend's car I couldn't resist stealing
Some years ago, I had a boyfriend whose car I kept repeatedly tried to steal.
Read MoreAmerica decides I have run out of visits
"American border guards," I explained to my student as we boarded the aeroplane for New York City. "have a reputation for being … " I searched for a word that would describe the situation sufficiently to avoid surprise, but not so descriptively that leaping from the plane as it rolled down the runway would be appealing.
Read MoreHouse of departed souls
Set in the heart of London opposite the Houses of Parliament, Westminster Abbey has a dead person to suit everyone's tastes.
Read MorePemberley
"Will you tell me how long you have loved him?"
"It has been coming on so gradually, that I hardly know when it began. But I believe I must date it from my first seeing his beautiful grounds at Pemberley."
The ancestral home of the Dukes of Devonshire, Chatsworth House inspires many questions. Chief among them probably concerns the name of its owners since the house is situated in Derbyshire, although this may be followed in short order by demands to know where Devonshire is even located, if Mr Darcy ever lived in the house and whether he has a great great great great grandson.
The short answer to the first query is that the residing family became the Dukes of Devonshire because they had previously been the Earls of Devonshire. The longer answer stems from the fact there was already an Earl of Derbyshire when the first Earl, one William Cavendish, was awarded the title in 1618. Despite the name sounding promisingly likely, Devonshire as a UK county does not exist, with the nearest match in the south west of the country known simply as 'Devon'.
The Cavendish family first reached notoriety in the history books when Sir William Cavendish (grandfather to the first Earl of Devonshire) married the social mountaineer and close associate of Queen Elizabeth I, Bess of Hardwick as his third wife and her second husband. It was here that Chatsworth House began its roller coaster existence on the whims of the monarchy, since Bess built the first house (later to be greatly restructured multiple times) on money made in the service of Henry VIII in the 1550s and 60s.
The 3rd Earl of Devonshire --perhaps remembering his abode's royal connections-- nearly lost Chatsworth by supporting the wrong side in the English Civil War. However, the family gained its dukedom only one generation later when the 4th Earl, another William, supported ousting the Catholic King James II from the throne in favour of William and Mary of Orange. He promptly rebuilt Chatsworth in celebration.
Since 2009, the peerage has been held by the 12th Duke of Devonshire, who somehow resisted being called William in favour of Peregrine Andrew Morny Cavendish; make of that what you will. The family continue to reside in Chatsworth House, although a large section is open to the public. Additional notable family members (and indeed, the reason I had first heard of the family name) are Henry Cavendish and another William, the 7th Duke of Devonshire, for these are for whom the Cavendish Physics Laboratory in Cambridge is named due to their financial contributions (in the latter's case) and scientific contributions (in the former).
Despite these notable achievements, the real question now is whether any of the Dukes of Devonshire bore a resemblance to Mr Darcy.
Situated in the correct area of the country for Austen's tale, Chatsworth House was chosen to represent Pemberley in the 2005 film adaption of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. In truth, Chatsworth is an ambitious property for Darcy who, with his £10,000 annual income, is short by a factor of 10 compared to the residing 6th Duke of the day, astoundingly named William. It is this fact that prevented the Duke marrying his own Lizzy Bennet while Darcy succeeded.
In an exhibition inside the house, a rather charming comparison is drawn between the standoffish Fitzwilliam Darcy and the 6th Duke of Devonshire. Both men were rich, orphaned at a young age and (slightly creepily) had a sister named Georgiana with a fortune of £30,000. They were also both raised alongside random boys taken in by their father and mentioned explicitly in said father's will. In Darcy's case, it was the irrepressible Wickham, his father's godson, while the 6th Duke was brought up with his half-brother, Augustus Clifford.
While the Duke won in the financial stakes department, his higher status meant that he was unable to marry his mistress, Elizabeth Warwick. Like her namesake, Elizabeth Bennet, Warwick's family connections were poor, leaving her to be the Duke's mistress for 10 years until he converted to Evangelicalism and left her to save his soul.
The most recognisable room inside Chatsworth from the movie is the hall of marble sculptures although the ceiling in the Painted Hall is also seen as Lizzy dawdles near the entrance.
The later Dukes of Devonshire were great collectors and their home is a mishmash of objects, including large amethyst geodes and an Egyptian figure of the goddess, Sekhmet. If I were honest, I'd say the clashing styles combined with the heavy Baroque artistry is slightly suffocating.
OK, I found it kind of hideous.
… and oddly facinating.
But mainly hideous.
That said, there are gems in the house including the room where Mary, Queen of Scots was held prisoner during Bess of Hardwick's time. There is also a door leading to what appears to be a second door, with a violin hanging from it by a hook. This is a painted illusion, however, and both the door and violin are flat. In another room, the ceiling painting depicts Atropos, the least favourite of the Three Fates in Greek mythology, who cuts the cord to end the life of a mortal. The story goes that the Fate resembles the housekeeper of the day, Mrs Hackett, who annoyed the artist, Antonio Verrio by not providing his demanded Italian food.
At the end of the visit, the only thing left to do is to standing in front of Chatsworth's newly gold gilded windows and announce:
"You are mistaken, Mr Darcy, if you suppose that the mode of your declaration affected me in any other way, that as it spared me the concern which I might have felt in refusing you, had you behaved in a more gentleman-like manner."
Or decorated slightly differently.
A taste of Scotland in Japan
One of the few times I have ever felt truly homesick in Japan was when visiting the Yoichi Distillery, the first home of Nikka Whisky. Situated about an hour's train ride from Sapporo in Hokkaido, Yoichi encompasses both the hoppy scents and the mountainous landscape of the Scottish Highland distilleries.
This combination is not coincidental; upon searching Japan for a location to practice the arts he had studied in Scotland, Masataka Taketsuru claimed no other place had the right climate and clear waters needed for serious whisky production. Since in the first half of the 1900s Hokkaido was considered a barren wasteland, this crazy talk almost cost Taketsuru his financial backers.
Nevertheless, Taketsuru was persuasive and in 1934, the production of one of Japan's finest whiskies began. Yet Taketsuru's own story does not begin here, but rather 16 years earlier when he left Japan for Scotland.
The third son of a sake brewer, Taketsuru's original ambition was to continue the family business. However, in sympathy with all those who have ever changed their major, Taketsuru's studies at (what is now) Osaka University, diverted him into the area of western drinks. This interest was shared by Settsu Shuzu, a liquor company who had plans to produce a Japanese whisky. To this end, they hired Taketsuru and --since the secrets of great Scotch were not something casually dispatched in a letter-- sent him to study at the University of Glasgow.
While Taketsuru evidently learned much about whisky production in Scotland, the museum at Yoichi Distillery dwells less on this and more on his relationship with his future wife, Jessie (Rita) Roberta Cowen.
Legend has it that love bloomed between the couple due to the great British tradition of burying chockable items in celebratory food. Taketsuru was sharing Christmas dinner with the Cowen family when he extracted a 6 pence from the Christmas pudding, traditionally foretelling a prosperous future to those who can avoid swallowing said item. Rita, meanwhile, found a silver thimble, declaring her a bride-to-be. Despite such omnipotence arising from their cooking, the Cowen family strongly opposed the match which caused Rita and Taketsuru to forfeit a church wedding in favour of a plainer registry signing. The newly wed couple then left Scotland to return to Japan.
Unfortunately, the intervening two years since Taketsuru's departure had not treated the Japanese economy kindly and he returned to find his country in recession. The resulting financial hardships crushed Settsu Shuzu's ambitious plans for branching out into a new liquor, causing Taketsuru to leave their employment and join the Kotobukiya company which would later become Suntory, Japan's first malt whisky producer.
Situated in the Osaka Prefecture in 1923, Kotobukiya built the Yamazaki Distillery to produce its malt whisky. Its owner, Shinjiro Torii, wished to produce a Scottish style of whisky that had a unique Japanese flavour. This didn't sit well with Taketsuru, who wanted to remain faithful to the Scottish techniques. Despite the success of the Yamazaki Distillery, the rift between Torii and Taketsuru caused Taketsuru to leave and begin his own whisky production in Yoichi.
During this time, Rita had taken up Japan's most popular job for foreigners in teaching English. It was her contacts through this work that made it possible for Taketsuru to gain the financial support needed to begin his own distillery. Even allowing for the importance of this act, Rita's prominence in the Yoichi Distillery museum and exhibits is surprising. Several information boards in the museum are devoted to her life and their married home (also on the same site) contains many pictures of her both with and without her husband. Perhaps this interest stems from the fact that while foreigners living in Japan are something of a novelty today, the appearance of a Scottish woman in Hokkaido in the first half of the 20th century is nothing short of astonishing.
That said, Rita's presence in Japan was not always warmly received. When war broke out, Rita became a target of suspicion and dislike, both from her neighbours and Japan's security departments. While her marriage and subsequent nationalisation allowed to remain in Japan, Rita was nevertheless frequently shadowed by Japan's special police even on such mundane errands as delivering her husband's lunch.
Despite this difficult period, Rita appears to have thrived in Hokkaido with photos showing her tumbling through the snow on skis, relaxing with her husband and meeting friends. There is little doubt that Rita was a woman of quite some spirit.
The success of any whisky is of course not in its history but in its tasting. Nestled among the buildings devoted to the various stages of whisky production on the Yoichi site, are several spots where the famous drink can be sampled. The most frequented of these would doubtless be the free taster bar, situated above the restaurant. This large sunny room offers a view over the surrounding landscape while providing visitors with a choice of whiskies, apple wine and juice.
However, to really sample Nikka's finest, it is worth stopping at the museum bar. It is here that shots can be purchased of the more specialised blends and malts. Nikka whisky has a strong peaty scent and a flavour that resembles the Islay malts of Scotland such as Lagavulin or Laphroaig. For those who appreciate the smokey taste, the first stop at this bar should be the 'Peaty and Salty' single malt. There are also the rarer 'single cask' malts available which consist not only of a single year, but are also drawn from a single barrel. Since every barrel lends a slightly different flavour to the drink, each single cask malt has its own unique flavour. As such, single cask malts are not easily found outside the distillery, since a more uniform taste is required for the Nikka label. Bottles of these whiskies are also available to purchase, with the distillery seeming to take a particular delight in packaging their most prized products in the plainest of bottles. Perhaps this is protection for the buyer who will not feel forced to share such an unassuming container with guests or maybe Nikka simply feels such drinks speak for their own quality.
Designated drivers are not forgotten at Yoichi. Juice and water is available at the taster bar and drivers are requested to adorn themselves with one of the 'designated driver' yellow stickers. This act is slightly amusing, not because drinking and driving should not be taken seriously, but because if a person is old enough to do the latter, a sticker probably isn't going to prevent him/her making an irresponsible decision.
For visitors thinking of Yoichi, it is worth considering the summer is a slightly better time to go. More of the buildings involved in the whisky production are open during the warmer months, although the museum, bar, restaurant and several other locations are open year round. The museum contains information both in Japanese and English and the restaurant serves good food which is reasonably priced.
I was about half-way through my large plate of rice and sea urchin when I did pause to note that in the food at least, Yoichi was not Scotland.