"There has to be something we haven't completed in this town."
"But our last primary quest was the discussion panel yesterday!"
"... then there must be a side quest."
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Prambanan Temple, Indonesia.
A tale of two temples
The princess agreed to marry the prince if he completed a thousand temples in one night. By summoning a horde of demons, the prince completed 999 temples before the cock crowed. When the princess refused her hand, he turned her to stone and she became the 1000th statue.
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The alien in the corner
The conference in Indonesia was the strangest I'd ever attended. This was partially because it was a mix of scientists, artists and space enthusiasts. And partially because there was an alien in the foyer.
Read MoreI get scammed
Today, I got scammed in Yogyukarta. I knew I was being scammed because the method was described word-for-word in reviews I'd read just the day before. And I couldn't stop it happening!
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What could go wrong with this plan? Nothing.
Jeep'ing up an active volcano
"But how does the mountain caretaker receive the message that the volcano will soon erupt?"
"Spiritually."
"... wouldn't seismometers be preferable?"
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Look like a butterfly, pole dance like a bee?
"We land softly like a butterfly," the instructor told me. "We don't need to jump."
It was a gentle way of saying I looked like a sack of potatoes tethered to a stick in high winds. I supposed that might not be the look 'Pole Dance Tokyo' was trying to cultivate in its students.
Read MoreHello, hospital
"This will hurt a little."
I have a general rule that if you have to hurt me for medical purposes, I'd much rather not know about it in advance.
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Bright bottomed bugs
I waited for the Sun to set over the rice paddy fields surrounding the Kumano Shrine just outside Yokohama. As darkness fell around me, the people poured in. We were here to see a lot of insect sex.
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The ukiyo-e print by Tsukioka Yoshitoshi.
The art of dog samurai
A story goes that hundreds of years ago, the hand of a princess was offered to the warrior who could defeat the enemies of a certain clan. This doubtless seemed like a romantic ideal until the triumphant victor turned out to be a dog.
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The next generation sake tasting experience
It is very hard to refuse an invitation to an exhibit that promises to be the juxtaposition of sake (yes, the Japanese alcohol), technology and art. Although I admit it was perhaps rather less necessary to illegally break in.
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'Adam' by director, Veselin Efremov
The one where everyone dies
If I were to try and summarise the 11 films I saw today in one spicy catch-all phrase, I'd opt for "AND THEN THEY ALL DIED!" Muhahaha.
Arguably, the "Muhahaha" might be subjective.
Read MoreI drink sake from the breast of a love doll
Leaning over the seated figure, I cupped one palm around each of her exposed breasts and squeezed. Cameras snapped as I pressed a thumb against each nipple. Not a bad texture, but the uniform consistency meant a hard squeeze compressed the flesh too much. Then someone came up beside me took off her head.
Read MorePolkadot pumpkins and phallic furniture mould
When I grow up, I want to be Yayoi Kusama. At 87, the Japanese artist wears her hair a shocking orange-red and paints psychedelic scenes of abstract polkadot landscapes you suspect you may once have seen in a high fever.
Read MoreThe night bus
Travel between Japan's two largest cities can be done in a mere two hours via the Shinkansen bullet train, which rockets through the country at speeds up to 200 mph (~300 km/h). Alternatively, you could pay more and take seven and half hours and ride a bus.
Read MoreFoxy beasts
Japan's obsession with organisation has led to the country stuffing all their foxes up a mountain.
Read MoreHow free is Japan's press?
When it comes to historical truths, Japan does not have the best reputation. School textbooks are notorious for glossing over the nastier of Japan's wartime activities, while the government is periodically caught in verifiable lies worthy of Trump's inauguration numbers. But how does this feed into the daily news coverage in modern day Japan?
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